Thank you Shri Mataji from all my heart…
June 27th, 2006 Edit
Alla, Russia
I was born and brought up in Russia. At that time there was no religion in Russia, it was prohibited. However, the inner feeling for the Divine was experienced by many people there. I started seeking when I was five years old. At that time I had an unusual experience. In a dream or a vision I saw an opening into a different world. This opening was high in the wall on the level above my head. I tried to stand up on my toes in order to see what was inside there. I saw that this new world was dark blue and there were gods and goddesses dancing. I just knew from inside that they were gods even though I was not familiar with any religion, and never heard of Indian philosophy.
It was not easy to stand on my toes. I was constantly falling down and standing up until I got completely tired. Then I saw one god there who turned towards me. His skin was blue and the dress he wore was like that of Shri Krishna (which I understood years later when I read how Shri Krishna looked). At that time I just knew that he was God and I asked him if he could let me come inside this Divine world. He said that he can not let me in because I don’t know how to write. This made me very upset. I decided that I must learn how to write very fast so that I could be allowed into the Divine world.
The next day I told my parents that I wanted to start going to school. In Russia children go to school at the age of seven and I was only five, but I insisted and they found a teacher at a local school for me who agreed to give me some writing lessons even though I was too young to start the school. So I was waiting to be let into the Divine world but nothing happened. I lost my peace.
The only thing I was thinking is how to get into the Divine world. I felt it was very close and yet I did not have any way to find out where it was. As if somebody was teasing me. I felt its presence in the fragrance of flowers, in the sound of the running river, in the freshness of green leaves and in the blueness of the sky. I felt the love of mother Earth and I knew that this love was also a part of the Divine world that I was searching for. I started to write poems and songs. An inspiration would suddenly visit me and give me a brief gift of a very deep feeling, and again the Divine world seem to be just there, but this feeling would go away very soon and I was left alone wondering from where this experience came and to where it disappeared. I was writing poems about the Universe, about human destiny, fate and other topics of philosophy when I was nine and my parents were wondering from where it all was coming because I was actually quite a troublemaker as a child, and I was quite selfish too.
Later on I decided to study science seriously in hope to find out the way to the Divine world. When I was fourteen I took to mathematics and religiously was spending all my free time studying different advanced books in mathematics. I hoped that when I will grow up I will discover some formula on how this whole world works and I will know how to become a better person. I was desperate to find some contact with Divine. In my study break I would go alone for a trip to the sea. From Moscow it takes 2 days by train to reach the Black Sea. During the day I sat on the shore with mathematics book trying to meditate on the laws of Universe. And in the middle of the night I would go on a seashore and look into the starry sky for hours hoping to feel something Divine. [That was not safe at all as there was all kinds of drunken people wondering on the seashore at that time, but I did not care, I prayed to God to protect me.] Then I would go back to high school, and again for the next break I would spend all my time with mathematics books. All the classmates used to laugh at me. I was thinking that by studying mathematics one becomes a better person, because it teaches logic, so one can make more correct decisions about life. But when I was in my first year of college as mathematics major I met professors who were very immoral and very cunning people, even though they were very good in science. That shocked me a lot, and I started thinking about abandoning the university altogether and hiding myself somewhere in the remote mountains.
At that time I encountered Sahaja Yoga. I was seventeen years old. It was 1989 when the Sahaja Yoga center was just newly established in Moscow. My mother started attending the center and she brought an audiotape with a recording of Shri Mataji’s lecture at the Moscow public program. Everybody in my family listened to the lecture and we liked it a lot. I felt a lot of Shri Mataji’s love when I listened to the lecture. She talked in a simple and sincere way and expressed concern about the people. She also gave very deep insights on the causes of problems in human beings and how to correct them. I became very happy because I felt that Shri Mataji is a very great personality. In the past when I went to lectures of some gurus and teachers I saw that they were not sincere and they always had some hidden self-interest. They either wanted money or power, and they were not interested at all in the well being of their disciples. But when I heard Shri Mataji’s lecture I saw that she was very different. Somehow her talk reminded me of Mahatma Gandhi. I felt very glad that I live in such time when there is such Great personality on the earth. At the end of the lecture on that audiotape Shri Mataji was giving Self Realization, and my whole family felt the cool breeze.
My father said that after Self Realization he felt innocent like a child, and he took the tape to his office and everybody got Self Realization at his office. That year the center was just established in Moscow and they did not have many materials there. Later on my mother was able to obtain the photo of Shri Mataji and I was very glad about this.
When I saw her photo I understood that she is a very special person, so great that no power on the earth is greater than her love. I started practicing Sahaja Yoga meditation at home. I felt that Shri Mataji knows my heart. I would sit in front of Shri Mataji’s photo and read to her my poems.
Once I was returning home late and a man tried to attack me, but I knew that Shri Mataji’s power was greater than any power in the world, so I immediately prayed to her. A miracle happened then. That man could not even touch me, an invisible power threw him in the opposite direction. He fell and could not get up. I went home nicely.
I was finishing my first year in college and I was very frustrated that some professors were very bad immoral people. I was upset with their behavior which was very insulting. So I was still trying to understand whether I should stay in the university or leave the worldly life and stay in a cave in the mountains and write songs to praise God there. It was the time of exams but instead of studying I was writing poems in praise of God, several per day, and did not do anything else. I did not want to go to university and see the behavior of these professors again. I was fed up.
In May 1990 Shri Mataji came to Russia and I met her for the first time in person. After the program I came to the stage and told her that I want to abandon the University where I studied mathematics and do only poetry, but that my parents were concerned about my career if I do that.
Shri Mataji looked at me and said: “You are a poet, but mathematics are very important”. Then she just held my hand and I felt that all my questions were answered. In complete bliss I went home after the program and surrendered to her suggestion. The next day I had to go for the exams and I went with full faith to the university. Despite the fact that I did not spend any time preparing for the exams I did just fine and got all excellent grades. Very soon these bad professors had to leave the university, so nobody troubled me anymore. This is how Shri Mataji saved my career and my life. Otherwise I might have been wondering in the mountains without any use.
During that visit Shri Mataji established a Sahaja Yoga center in Moscow very nicely, she asked Sahaja Yogis from India to come to Russia for some time and teach the Russians about Sahaja Yoga.
Then I started attending the SY center regularly and I learned that there is no need to leave the worldly life in the modern times in order to achieve spiritual ascent. When we get Self Realization we are connected to the Divine – we are in direct contact with the Divine. Finally I found what I was searching for. And I can now try to understand the vision that I had in my childhood when I saw a Divine world above my head, which is so close but is not accessible unless we get Self Realization.
When Kundalini rises it pierces through our seven chakras and connects us to the Divine. I have been practicing Sahaja Yoga for 12 years and every day of my life brings me joy. And the nicest thing is that this experience of Self Realization is for the whole world, not just for few people. This is the part of our evolution as human kind. How lucky we are! What blessed times! If only the whole world would take to Sahaja Yoga, then verily the heavens will come on the earth.
Thank you Shri Mataji from all my heart for this gift that you have given to humanity.
Read more about Sahaja Yoga in Russia at http://www.sahajayoga.ru
Entry Filed under: Experiences, Russia